Is this any good?

I'm working on a book, and I wanted some people's opinion on it, so I'm posting some of it here. If you want to, please read this and tell me your thoughts on it. Its the beginning of the first chapter:



The flick of his lighter illuminated the scarlet eyes looming over his shoulder. As he raised the lighter to meet his cigarette the mouth behind him opened, the tiny flame reflecting of the sharp fangs.

“Smoking is bad for you.” The mouth mentioned in a feminine voice, fitting of the slim woman it belonged too.

“Why should I care?” The man said as he lit his cigarette, “I’m already dead.”

“What’s wrong? You’re not your usual perky self.” The woman mocked in reply. The man grunted, and then walked to the edge of the roof they were standing on. He looked up at the stars through the clear night sky. The man exhaled the smoke that filled up his useless lungs, trying to blot them all out. After a silence the girl spoke again. “Seriously, Damien, what’s wrong?”

“You know what’s wrong.” Damien answered in a harsh tone, “You know damn well! I hate having to stand around and do nothing! Its such a waste of time! We’ve been hiding and watching for three days now. Three days!”

“I know it’s not your thing, but we have to do this. This mission is important.”

“I know, I know. But it’s different for me. You’re good at this kind of thing Colt, I’m not.”

“Must be your human blood.” Colt thought aloud, she walked to the edge as well and stood beside him. Though she wasn’t staring at the stars, she was surveying the horizon for traces of movement.

“Not that again. I’m just as much of a Vampire as you. It makes no difference I wasn’t born as one of the bloodline.” Damien argued, turning his head towards her in a scowl.

“You and I both know that’s not true, Dam.” Colt countered, looking at him. He could feel her red gaze even through the black sunglasses she wore so often. He said nothing, but turned away from her in such a way as to signify the fight wasn’t over. “Look,” She bargained, “The night’s already half over. Once dawn breaks we can patrol the area to kill any strays.”

“No, I’ve had enough of this!” Damien leaped from the roof and began walking towards the city. Colt considered going after him and stopping him, but the ladder seemed near impossible. The vampire sighed and slipped back into the shadows to return to her duty.

i like it, so besides vampires whats it about

Thanks. The plot:

In the world there were werewolves, vampires, and humans. The humans tried to make the ultimate fighting machine by combining werewolf and vampire DNA. Thus the zombie was born. Werewolves can feed on zombies, vampires can't. So, the werewolves start killing all the humans, and along with zombie-caused deaths, the amount of humans recedes fast. Vampires thought they were doomed, but then they find out that two children may be the key to the cure that can turn zombies back into humans. The two vampires (Damien and Colt), are assigned to protect the two kids (A little girl and boy named Elizabeth and James).

Shortly after the start the two vampires are split up with a kid each, Damien with the girl and Colt with the boy. Its mainly about Damien and the girl in the beginning, as Colt and James's relationship for awhile is simply the kid (who has a massive fear of vampires) running away from Colt.

i like it,Whens it gonna be complete?

No idea

I'm not one for sceduels, so I'm not sure. But I do work on it every day, during my computer class and after school. I'm not sure if I should write too much in one day though, I don't want to do it in a rush and do a bad job.

well when you finish it, email me a copy Jack.Frost.freeze@gmail.com

Will do.

I'm supprised you like it, none of my friends will even read a summary about it.

lol, well i am a book nerd

also,would you mind Rating this,
Zufron's Training its on the planet coruscant

thanks, well i think your friends Really Should Read this, its good

Thanks, sadly my friends think all my story ideas are cliche. With the exception of my sister, who thought Blood Lust (This) was a good idea. It was originally going to be a graphic novel, but she said it should be a book, which is why I'm writing this instead of drawing it.

well, your sister Has good taste in books

When I think about it she does, a lot of my favorite books I only read because she ordered (yes ordered) me too.

lol,dang so, what kinda books does she get you,i usually only read Books with Fantasy and Action and Fighting

I usually read those kind of books too, with the exception of a mystery called Daddy's Little Girl that is one of my favorite books.

The only time that I read other kinds of books are the ones she makes me read. Those are all kinds of books, one actually was a fantasy (Coraline). Right now she wants me to read American Psycho, and another book by the same guy thats in my school locker...The Rules of Attraction I think.

hmm, i think i try that one i might like it heh